I see a lot of stupidity posted on my YouTube videos, but I'm starting this blog specifically to showcase the worst, the stupidest, the most retarded comments I find on my videos. Not sure if this will work out with the RSS feed if I update this post each time, but just in case, you should bookmark this post (click here to get the full web address in your browser).

My responses do tend to be a bit, er, 'fruity' when I see people with IQs which would not challenge a slug in a salt bath, but I leave them here as evidence of my continuing frustration and bafflement at the stupidity of some sections of the human race. Remember, religion does this to your mind, so these are cautionary tales.

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Let's start with this one shall we? The inspiration for this blog:

2007kid
i was taught to believe in God, but its because of Gods actual presence and voice that i still believe in him and know hes real

Gisburne2000
If you hear voices in your head, that's what scientists call 'thoughts'. If you actually hear a voice in the room with you, that may be a phenomenon known as 'television'. Do not panic. The more you believe in God, the fewer actual thoughts of your own you will have. Eventually you will simply be numb to the outside world.

2007kid
The voice that i heard wasn't a sound to my ear but to my heart's ear. Its impossible for someone to have a thought in their heart, but not impossible to think "with" their hearts. When God speaks to someone they KNOW it was Him, He puts knowledge into their hearts so they instantly just know(God can say A LOT of things in one second and you'll know it). God doesn't have to speak each word IN TIME like we do, well He hasn't for me...yet. God isn't bound by time, Its one of His many creations.

Gisburne2000
Shit you have seriously FAILED anatomy class. Heart's ear? WTF?!! Fart's ear more like. You are talking the biggest pile of monkey drool I've seen today. And I just KNOW you have no clue what you're saying.

For fuck's sake, have you actually read what you've written, it's fairytale nonsense. It's embarrassing to read it. I feel nothing but pity for you (and not much of that if I'm honest). Get out of here and don't waste my time.

Can 2007kid really have said all that? How does he even dress himself in the morning?!

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More will follow so don't forget to bookmark this post!

A while ago I made this video, telling Christians not to pray for atheists because atheists really don't want it. Really.

But if they say they'll pray for you anyway, here are a few things you might like to use for snappy come-backs, along with a more detailed plan below it just in case you're really feeling argumentative:

• Last time you prayed for someone, what did God say to you?
  Hey, if you're talking to the big man, and he answers your prayers (God answers all prayers, right?), shouldn't he tell you what that answer is? Okay, if he didn't say anything last time you prayed, tell me what he said the last time he spoke to you, or indeed any time he spoke to you, personally, while you were grovelling on your knees. What were his exact words? What was his tone of voice? None of this 'I got a warm feeling inside', that could be trapped wind or the menopause. Come on, what did God say?

• Can you ask God to make it so that Christians stop praying for me?
  IF you want to pray for me, then you should, really be praying for something I want, not something I don't want. It would be a bit unkind to pray for something I wasn't going to like wouldn't it? So what I really want is God to tell you, and all your Christian friends, to stop praying for me.

• What do you mean?
  A prayer? What's that? How does that work? Do you have to do anything while you're praying? You kneel? One knee or two? Doesn't that hurt your joints? What do people with no legs do? Or people with no hands, how do they put them together to pray?

  What do you have to say? Do you say it out loud? How does God read your mind? But if you did say it out loud that would be unnecessary right? Do you have to say anything before you start, like 'Hey God, it's me, I've got a prayer for you', or do you just get straight to the point?

  What happens if you start to get hungry while you pray? Does it spoil the whole event if you start to think about chicken McNuggets while you're in mid-prayer? Are you allowed to pray while you're actually eating? What's God's favourite food?

  If God say no I don't want to help this atheist, can you ask him again some other time or is it a one shot deal? Surely God would get annoyed if you asked him over and over and he always said no - he'd be annoyed that you didn't get the message, wouldn't he? What if you forget something - can you go back and add an extra bit of prayer?

  (As you may have worked out, the idea here is to turn this into one huge series of never-ending questions until the Christian gives up in disgust.)

• Every time you pray for me I will donate money to an atheist organisation
  Seriously, this is a long-term sponsorship deal I have with <insert atheist org here>. Every time someone tells me they will pray for me I donate <amount> to them. Please, next time you see me tell me you've actually prayed for me and that will double the amount I can donate. Would you like to pray for some of my friends too? And can you sign this paper (produce a sponsorship sheet) to say you are personally responsible for the increased funding to world atheism? This is great, you're really helping us spread the word of no God by praying for me.

There are probably countless more possibilities, but try one of these or get creative and make something up yourself! Stop people praying for you... by annoying the crap out of them if they do!