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BS proof of God's existence
Argument From Quentin Smith
Consider this
Mysteries are not necessarily miracles. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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The more I look at religion, the more I dislike it and what it does to the world and its people. This blog will help you understand why religion is something you shouldn't accept as a good thing in our lives. Above all, don't respect religious beliefs when their practitioners refuse to respect you.
Let's assume that 80% of Americans are Christian. I could use other countries with a high proportion if Christians, but a large number of the people I come into contact with via this web site are US citizens, so we'll go with that particular country. 80% is a very high number. And remember that in the US most of the remaining 20% follow other religions. Maybe only 3% are professed atheists. Whatever the exact figures are, it's clear that the vast majority of people in the United States are Christians. Christians get their morality from the Bible. They say they do, anyway, and some are very vocal about insisting that the US was founded on Judeo-Christian values and, importantly, that the 10 Commandments are paramount. Christians were further taught by Jesus to 'do unto others as you would have others do unto you' (see footnote) and to 'turn the other cheek' when someone wrongs you. So, preamble over, and on to my point: why do we need criminal laws if religion is enough? If Christians are so keen to tell us that the Bible is the source of all things good, do we really need to have man-made laws defining murder, rape, theft, and so on? Surely Christians, if they are keen to show how God-fearing they really are, won't break any laws at all will they? So why have those laws? Maybe the criminal laws are just for atheists, to keep those people in check who don't believe that the Bible is only book of law-and-order guidance we need. But those people are 3% of the US population. Why have a hugely complex system of judicial statutes and penalties for so small a minority? After all, if the US is a Judeo-Christian country, the Biblical rules would apply to them too, so the Christians could just uphold those laws and bring the penalties to bear on any criminal non-believers. Obviously this is not the situation in any country of the world. All nations have thousands of criminal laws, covering a multitude of (ahem) sins, and many of those crimes are not even mentioned in the Bible. I mean, which of the 10 Commandments tells us 'thou shalt not have sex with children'? I couldn't find it, and nor could the Muslim prophet Muhammad apparently when he married a 6 year old and had sex with her at age 9. And the many, many Christians in prison for assualt, drug offences, fraud... did they forget to read their Bibles that day? It seems to me that Christians actually have very little faith in their Bible as a source for morality, and approaching zero for its ability to define rules and regulations for living a good, law-abiding life. If the US legal system is based on Judeo-Christian values, and has at its heart the 10 Commandments, why are so few of the 10 actually enacted into law?
For 'bearing false witness' I've assumed this relates to perjury. Lying in itself is not usually a crime, but in some cases it may be, eg lying to a police officer. But that still leaves only 3 out of the 10 which modern-day laws specifically prohibit. Hardly a solid foundation for a legal system is it? This is because it is people make the laws, people who live from day to day and who need those laws to protect them and their ever-changing way of life. Ancient peoples knew nothing about computers, so how could they possibly be expected to set out laws relating to spam, hacking and computer fraud and add them into their holy book? The word 'relativity' is important here. As time passes on, society changes, and we need laws which are relative and appropriate to the current situation. Slavery was rife in the ancient world, and is mentioned many times in the Bible, but is never condemned there. Slavery today is gone, totally illegal in every part of the world. Not because the Bible said so, but because people said so, people who came together and decided that such things were no longer going to be tolerated. Other things which are totally prohibited in the Bible, and/or which many Christian denominations condemn, are now perfectly legal. Homosexuality is legal. Abortion is legal. Contraception is legal. And yet all these things are openly despised by one or more branches of the Christian Church. If Judeo-Christian teachings, which after all quote the very 'word of God', are to be given priority, why allow so many things which Christianity does not itself agree with? The Bible is no more a source for morality and law than are Aesop's Fables. In fact, you might argue that Aesop's Fables could teach us more about morality than the Bible ever could. But ultimately what laws we have are all man-made, and tailored to meet an ever-changing world. Why do we need criminal laws? Because being Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish, or indeed atheist, does not give us any legal boundaries or framework within which to live our lives. Faithful or faithless, we need man-made laws because we are all simply men and women who want to live together in safety, while God's supposed influence on the legal system simply does not exist. Footnote: 'Do unto others as you would have others do unto you' is the 'golden rule' and is present in practically all the main religions and cultures of the world in one form or another, but I'm being generous and giving it to Christianity just for this blog.
The full Noah story, with a difference... it's all poetry. Expect the hip-hop remix next. Or not. Noah: The Transvestite Years Genesis 6-9 - Ham is a pork product right?
In days of old these tales were told About a man called Noah And of his wife who gave him strife Her pants she would not lower How many times did they have sex? Well actually not many 500 years did Noah live Before she gave him any But sons she had, she gave him three The first two blonde and balding The third had dark hair and a beard Mohammed's what they called him But God was angry. "Choose a name More Jewish, blast and damn!" "A Jewish name? We'll shorten it" And so they called him Ham But God was angry and he killed The whole world under water And only Noah's family And pets escaped the slaughter The Ark did float for forty days While rain around them fell But life inside a floating zoo Can really fucking smell At last the rain it went away The Ark stood on a mountain For God did spare the chosen eight The genocide? Who's counting? The breeding program now began And Noah had some trouble To feed so many animals In fields of mud and rubble So God did cheat and waved his hand And lo the crops were planted But Noah had one final wish And prayed that it be granted "Please God," he said, we need some meat This diet makes me edgy A burger or some chicken wings But please don't keep us veggie And lo, God made a barbecue An altar with a griddle But God did eat so many steaks He grew fat round the middle With indigestion God did fly But rest rooms were there none So God he made the asteroids He shit out every one Wow what a fucking party, eh? Said God on his return The world's first chili sacrifice Has made my arse hole burn Look God, said Noah, promise me That flood won't get repeated The Ark you gave us really stank And wasn't central heated But God said "Fuck off, I'm in charge I'll tell you what I'll do Each time a rainbow's in the sky The message is ‘fuck you'" I'll kill you fuckers when I please You'll like it or you'll leave it So get down on your fucking knees I'm God so just believe it And God did bury pots of gold Beneath the rainbow's end He thought he'd catch some leprechauns He's clearly round the bend Much later Noah drank some wine From grapes that he had grown He took his clothes off, pissed himself And staggered off back home And Ham (Muhammad to his friends) Found Noah cold and bare And for a laugh put lipstick on And ribbons in his hair Ham's brothers found their girl-faced Dad With bra and panties on They knew Muhammad was to blame But he'd fucked off, he'd gone When Noah woke he'd puked again The drag queen was a mess He quickly scrubbed the makeup off But thought he'd keep the dress Three hundred years and fifty Noah never lived it down He couldn't even show his face in any part of town But every now and then he'd wear Some sexy sequinned numbers And do some really awful things With fishnets and cucumbers The people who lived longer may have filled a brave new world But Noah always wondered what's it like to be a girl?
I am God. My Godly powers are as real as those of the God worshipped by Christians, Muslims or Jews. Therefore if I am as powerful as God, I must BE God, because only God can do everything that God can do. In this video I demonstrate the power of God (me) in exactly the same way that religious people have been revealing those powers over the centuries - there'll be none of that logical fallacy nonsense here. There's no denying it. I am God.
I am God, and if you don't believe me, watch this video
The Ark has landed, everything is covered in crap, and there's a bit of a problem with the animals. But at least all the children and babies are now dead - all drowned, every last one. God is so cool isn't he? God's Shit Stained Planet of Death Genesis 8 - In which the whole place looks like a toilet... for a very good reason
After 40 days and 40 nights, or maybe it was 150 (the actual figures are slightly confused because the paperwork got a bit wet) God's bladder was completely empty and he stopped pissing all over the Earth. The flood waters were quickly sucked up into space by God's magical pond filtration system, and sent into orbit around the planet Saturn. So the next time you see those NASA close-ups from the Cassini spacecraft, remember they are proof of God's amazingness. For God is not only an awesome God, he's a qualified plumber and waste removal technician too. After a quick dash round with a mop and bucket, the Supreme Janitor of the Universe had left the Earth as good as new, except for a vast covering of rancid mud and the occasional dead baby. But that was just typical of a male god not to wipe the toilet bowl after he'd finished with it. And yea, God did also leave the seat up and didn't wash his hands, which is why to this day there are so many diseases all over the world. For in those days there was as yet no bleach nor disinfectant, but at least God didst remember to put one of those toilet freshener things in the oceans, which is why they are now a nice bluey-green colour. "Where the fuck are we?" said Noah, as he peered over the side of the Ark at the muddy, shitty mess all around him. Noah's wife joined him and sniffed the air. "Well, it looks like shit, it smells like shit, and everything is covered in shit. If someone had invented money I'd put my last 'In God We Trust' dollar on this being Iran. Definitely Iran." Noah nodded, "Yeah, you're probably right, although I did see a signpost for Turkey before we landed, but that could have been a sail-through restaurant." He looked at her and frowned. "Er... I know you're my wife, but what was your name again?" But the woman had mysteriously vanished, and like most of the female characters in these heroic stories was never seen or heard from again. Suddenly, like some kind of cheap magician with a need to impress the audience, God appeared, in a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, which vanished as soon as Noah pointed out the 'No Smoking' sign. "Lo, witness the power of creation, my children," said God, which was a feeble attempt to appear cool when what he really mean 'yo, check it out, motherfuckers'. God looked pleased with himself, "I have cleansed the Earth and I give it to you to be fruitful. Go forth and multiply." Noah was not impressed. "In other words you're telling us, 'everything's dead, here's a stinking pile of mud, now fuck off and make some babies'." God shrugged. "Yep, pretty much. By the way, are the animals safe?" Noah looked sheepish, or he would have done if God hadn't already massacred all the sheep with everything else. "Well, actually, see... it's like this. Remember we had a budgie, two hamsters and a frog, and you wanted us to re-populate the Earth with them? Well... the budgie died. In childbirth." "What! How the fuck did that happen?" God demanded. "She was trying to push out an ostrich egg and there was this, er, explosion. It was horrible. Feathers and little bits of bird vagina everywhere. I think she was being a bit over-ambitious. You set very high standards, God, and she was just trying to impress you because she knew you wanted her to recreate all the old bird species. On the plus side, we had a fucking massive omelette that day, which made a nice change from the tins of baked beans you'd left for us. Without a tin opener I might add." God frowned, annoyed. "The stupid little fucker. Look, I know I'm God and all that, but why does everyone have to take what I say so literally? Well, okay, no birds. So I'll just have to make some more. No problem. I'm God, it's what I do. But at least you can still breed all the mammals, all the reptiles and all the amphibians." "Yes and no," said Noah. "Yes and no?" "Mostly... no. The hamsters? Those weren't hamsters. They were baby lemmings. And they committed suicide as soon as they realised their families and friends were all drowned. Sensitive animals those lemmings. Loyal to the end. I'll miss the furry little fuckers. It's just a mystery to me how they managed to hold the razor blades in their little paws." God put his head in his hands. "Fuck! As if I didn't have enough to do. First the budgie, now this. It's going to take me at least... a day to make all the birds and mammals again. Thank God you've still got the frog." Noah bowed his head. "Thank you God that we still have the frog." "I'm not big on sarcasm, you little twat," God warned him. "Anyway, where is it?" "Where's what?" "The frog. Where's my fucking frog, Noah?" God took a firm grip on Noah's neck and squeezed, almightily. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Noah's eyes bulged but he managed to say, "You're. Standing. On it." God looked down and saw that in his divine wisdom he had mistaken the frog's final croak for a squeaky plank on the deck, and had materialised his size 15 Jesus sandals directly on top of the last animal in all creation. God closed his eyes, sighed, and just walked away. But before he did so he gave Noah a dose of herpes and a wonky leg, just for the hell of it, and to make sure everyone remembered he was vengeful as well as awesome... as if killing nearly every living thing on the planet wasn't a big enough clue. Back in Heaven he got out his modelling clay and a bag of magic creationism dust and began to make the animals all over again.
Wandering around Wikipedia and looking into copyright law, primarily with reference to the audio work I'm doing, I found the following nugget of information: The King James Version of the Bible also has an unusual status: While it is in the public domain throughout most of the world, production in the UK must be authorized by the Crown.So if I wanted to make my own copy I would need permission from the Queen and/or Parliament, and by 'copy' of course that means any kind of copy, not just a printed book - PDF, web format, etc. Very strange, although I suppose the clue is in the name 'King James'. Perhaps they just want to keep it in the (Royal) family!
I was reading this news story today and it occurred to me that they are giving emphasis to the wrong statistics: 40% of adults pray, says survey Note: the survey was among UK people. The survey was sponsored by a Christian charity organisation, so you can understand their bias, but since 40% is a minority, what does the article actually prove? Only that less and less people in the UK express any kind of belief in God. So let's look at the real picture. I've re-written the article to show the flip-side of the statistics: 60% of adults do not pray, says survey Be careful of surveys and those who use statistics to make their point, because anything quoting percentages lower than 50% is actually making exactly the opposite point. In the UK, clearly, prayer, and religion as a whole, is in the minority. And Tearfund, a Christian organisation, has plainly shown that.
Updated - see footnote. This should make you angry, but it should also come as no surprise. A Jehovah's witness refused a blood transfusion after giving birth to twins and has subsequently died: Mother dies after refusing blood The story does say, "The family have told me that a blood transfusion wouldn't have saved Emma", but there would have to be some really freakish medical problems for anyone to die in childbirth in these days of modern medical care, and no doubt any such complications would have been mentioned in the article. The chief exec of the hospital trust says as much: "Because events such as this are so rare, it is normal practice to undertake a full internal review and also to inform the coroner so an inquest can take place." It was her choice, and she knew she was going to die if she didn't accept the blood transfusion, so fair's fair, you get what you deserve in those cases. It simply proves that this type of religious idiocy makes people value their life, and even the lives of the newly born children, far less than the imaginary after-life they think they'll get when they die. I have no sympathy for that belief, naturally. I'd call this nothing short of suicide. If you know something will save your life and you don't take it, you have signed your own death warrant. We all hear from other Christians who preach about wanting desparately to 'pull your soul out the fire of Hell' by preaching the 'love' of Jesus, but JW's are not like that, they don't actually believe in Hell... so presumably why even bother saving your own life? Pity the family she lives behind, but not too much - they believe the very same things the mother did, and if those babies ever needed a blood transfusion they would certainly do anything within their power to stop it happening. When they grow up, they will probably share those beliefs with as much conviction as did their mother. Some background about why Jehovah's Witnesses are so keen to stay away from something which would save their lives: All this because of one small part of the Old Testament which talks about eating blood, not blood transfusions: And any man from the house of Israel, or from the aliens who sojourn among them, who eats any blood, I will set My face against that person who eats blood, and will cut him off from among his people.Didn't God know that sometime in the future there would be advanced medical procedures which could save lives with the use of donated blood? You'd think so wouldn't you? So we're back to the old 'if he doesn't know he's not all-knowing' and 'if he doesn't care he's not all-loving' adage. The third option, the correct answer, is, of course, 'he doesn't know or care, because God does not exist'. Footnote: The BBC have posted these follow-up stories which shows a more positive outcome, at least for someone who realised that the Jehovah's Witness rules were damaging to her life and those of her children: Call to change blood refusal law Of course the woman in the original story is dead, and nothing can ever change that.
I thought I'd never say this, because I don't do this kind of thing as a rule, but I have delivered the pwnage and the pwnage was good! A YouTube Christian called Yokeup made this video which he called Jesus Loves You vs. F.U. - Challenge. He says that atheists say 'fuck you' all the time and challenges them to go up to 10 people, say 'fuck you' to each one of them and film their reaction. Meanwhile in his video he approaches 10 people and gives a Christian message, 'Jesus Loves You':
The point of the challenge seems to be that atheists, according to Yokeup, apparently believe the word 'fuck' has no meaning, so why not just say it to everyone and see their reactions? Since atheists have more common sense than that, of course nobody took this crazy bullshit 'challenge', which gave Yokeup all the 'evidence' he needed to claim that atheists are cowards, and delighted in saying this over and over, both in the video itself and in comments he left on the video's page. However, it isn't really much of a challenge. Why would an atheist be mad enough to say 'fuck you' to a complete stranger, let alone a police officer? That's right, part of the challenge is that one of the people has to be a police officer. What Yokeup wants atheists to do is use a phrase which he knows will offend people if they are approached cold, on the street, while he plays it safe and approaches people with a nice, safe Christian message, in a predominantly Christian country, people who are almost guaranteed to be Christian (there was one Jew and she was NOT happy about the message). Fair? I don't think so. Let's add some fairness to the challenge shall we? We are all well aware that 'fuck you' has no nice, non-offensive context, which I'm sure is why Yokeup chose that phrase. I suggested to Yokeup that he should go up to someone and say 'Jesus loves fat people like you' or 'Jesus loves you even though you smell like a sewer'. No curse words. Smile as you say it. Guess what the reaction would be in that case? Yokeup ducked. He dived. He found excuses and deflected any attempts to modify his heavily biased 'challenge'. Then it got interesting. YT user ReligionIsACrutch suggested this: Your challenge is not even close to being comparable. Unless you would be willing to say that in Iran. In which case, I would be willing to flip off a hundred cops!And then Yokeup made a big mistake. He said he would do it. Really. He said he would go to Iran and say 'Jesus loves you' to ten people, and put it on video... but only if someone would pay for his expenses. Of course nobody would do that, right? He was just saying that because he knew nobody would pick him up on it. But of course then he could call atheists cowards for not following through with the offer of cash. Yeah. So I said I'd pay. I said I would pay to fly him out to Iran and he would have the opportunity to walk up to some Muslims in Iran and give them the 'good news' about Jesus. And believe me when I say that I would have paid. I have the money and these things can be easily arranged with payments overseas, so NO PROBLEM AT ALL. And he contacted me, because of course now he had to save face and he wanted to know how far I would take this: Ok, let's do this deal and I will be happy to make the trip and make the movie. I will not however incurr any expenses for the trip. Once I have all the expenses covered, then I will go....My response was: As I said, you need to get a visa first. I'm not financing anything until you get permission to enter the country. If I buy you a ticket and then find you're not even allowed in, that's just wasting my money.Six minutes later. Let me say that again. SIX minutes later, he'd already realised that the game was up, and his bluff had been called. So he did the only thing he had left to him - he chickened out: OK, you're going to have to do some work here as well, I'm learning that it is illegal for me to go to Iran and evangelize. If that's the case and I will go to jail immediately, of course I won't go... I'm not stupid.Another 15 minutes and he'd thought some more. I had by this time mentioned that he was more than likely going to be arrested if evangelizing was illegal: Don't be an idiot. If it's not legal I'm not doing it.And his brief sojourn into the cold, hard world of trying to outsmart someone with more intelligence than he has (not difficult) was over. He'd already posted this in his own channel comments: "Somebody kills me because I tell them that Jesus Loves them... I'll take that consequence for my Lord and Savior"Willing to die (he said) but apparently not willing to go to jail. And all that after saying this too: coward, that's all I'm hearing is excuse after excuse after excuse for not doing the challenge.... cowards big time. all show, no go...Who was the one squirming? A Christian who goes by the name of Yokeup, that's who. PWNED! Response videos: What others had to say about the 'challenge' that wasn't.
TheGreatestGreatApe
Azrienoch For more responses to Yokeup's video click here. I posted a video linking to this blog, so you can post/view comments here. Yokeup has now blocked me and deleted many of the comments which would otherwise expose him for the coward he is. Sorry, mate, we saved a copy of the page before you did that. Look below to see what was said on Yokeup's channel before it was all removed. Remember to read from the bottom upwards - the most recent posts are at the top:  Full credit to TheGreatestGreatApe and Neonsolid for getting the above screen shot to me. And the final word goes to Neonsolid:
Neonsolid Footnote: But wait. In a heated debate about atheists having foul mouths, who is the person to whom we should award the ultimate closing argument? Of course. Glenn Reb. Take it away, Glenn...
In all the excitement of getting back on YouTube, I've been ignoring the fact that this web site has grown so big that it is creaking under its own weight, and I have not been able to add new content as quickly and easily as I'd like. A re-design is necessary... which doesn't mean it's going to happy any time soon because I don't know the direction I want to take it as yet. One thing I need to get fixed is that sometimes YouTube and Google videos linked from this site are removed, either because the person uploading them decides they don't want the videos on their channel, or because the 'higher powers' decide that the video is inappropriate or breaks copyright and pull it from their site. I've been slow to react to that kind of thing, and there are, I know, a lot of dead links on this site now. I'm working on a system which should be able to automatically tell me when links go dead and allow me to either remove the link, or re-direct it to a different, working copy. So, a full site re-design, eh? Looks like I need to get working! Expect the finished result sometime, er, 2012 maybe?!
This has been a long time coming. I'm all for free speech, but holding up signs which say 'thank God for dead soldiers' at the funerals of those soldiers goes way beyond what is acceptable in society. And the US court has agreed, fining the Westboro Baptist Church so much that if their appeal isn't successful they will, hopefully, go bankrupt. Huge fine for anti-gay US church
Update: excellent video from cortmeister262 (nice still too!) |
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